I, as a general rule, don’t really like commercials (who does), although I am fascinated by good advertising campaigns. Recently though there have been commercials for shampoo, I don’t really remember the brand, that features the song “Feel the Rain on Your Skin,” by Natasha Bedingfield. I have to say, I absolutely abhor this commercial.

 

Why do I hate it so much? To put it as simply as I possibly can I can’t stand that song. Now, I consider myself somewhat eclectic in my musical tastes. My Ipod has on it a wide selection of music ranging from Rancid to Hank Williams, the Everly Brothers to The B52s. Yes, I even have some Guns ‘N Roses. One genera you will never find on my Ipod, however, is “chick rock.”

 

Yes, chick rock. Many guys I talk with on this subject are often shocked into stupefied confusion when they hear me mutter the name. What is chick rock is the common question. Chick rock is the logical continuation of the chick flick and chick lit (books, not gum). It is not to be confused with a Chickadee, as the chickadee is far more entertaining.

As with the other two chick suffix forms of entertainment, chick rock serves one larger purpose, which is to reassure girls that all is right with the world. It is basically the musical antonym of Emo.

 

Now that we have a firm definition of chick rock, we must understand what makes chick rock. Contrary to popular belief, chick rock does not need to be sung by a chick. However, if sung by a man, chances are he ether plays the piano or the acoustic guitar. Also surprising, chick rock does not have to be a form of rock. I’ve never heard it done, but it’s possible for Gregorian Monks to chant chick rock.

 

They key to chick rock is actually the lyrics. They generally are popish, consisting of an assortment of simile and metaphor. They generally deal with love, beauty, or emotional strength. They also, and this is the dead give away, have inspirational lines reminiscent of overused female PMS away messages. These lines that I’m talking about are ones like “shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll end up in the stars,” or “a man worth crying over will never make you cry.”

 

So at work today I was thinking about it, and I think I can write a chick song. There must be a formula; they are almost always pop songs so there has to be a formula, and I think I’ve figured it out. So now I’m going to attempt it. I guess cus this is a blog it’s going to have to stay lyrics, but we can pretend it’s in the key of F, it’s a good all purpose key. Ok, first we need a chorus. Remember, these things need to be reassuring.

Today may be dusty, and maybe far away

There’s a ray of sunshine coming for you some day

I have established that things suck right now, but they might get better, ok, now to pull at the heart strings, it’s time to bring in the prince in shining armor cliché.

For you are a princess among, and I know that it’s true

I know your prince, is waiting just for you

Now for a bridge, gonna have a lot of “Yeahs” in it.

For you, yeah, girl for you

Coming to rescue you from the

Knocked down, cinder covered, ghastly, boring

Lackluster life crawling in the mud …. 

Ok, refrain part...

Yeah he’ll open the door to your hear

And never will the two of you part

Hold his hand all day and night

He’ll hold you in his arms so tight

 

A love as deep as the sea

The door is locked, you hold the key

He’ll take your hand and then he’ll know

That in this girl he has found gold

Then gently and softly we repeat the last line

he has found (a slight tremolo in found) gold..

And there you have it, a chick rock song I wrote in about 10 minutes. Granted it’s not a full song, but it wouldn’t take much to finish it. Perhaps one day it will be famous and 12-25 year old girls will be rocking out to it and quoting for inspiration.